Rejection, by Google’s definition is as follows:
I am going to decipher this a little bit, but not without clarity as to the reason why first. I came across a very insightful article this morning on CNBC.com¹ about a young woman’s experience taking her freelancing consultation service from nothing, to everything. She explains three tips on how to essentially be successful.
Have Confidence in What You Do
I’ll let you read upon her amazing scenarios that explain why those three tips are essential, but for today’s purpose, this got me thinking. All of those tips require some level of potential rejection. Anyone who’s worked a sales position will tell you that they hear “No’s (and much worse iterations of No) all the time and still push through it and move on to the next prospect.
The key is to anticipate rejection but to never accept it.
We can do this by proactively expecting objections so that when they do come, it’s to no surprise to you. Once people hear “No”, whether explicitly or passively, it’s hard to not take it personally and feel inadequate. However, if you truly feel as though you suffice, then you don’t need to accept rejection.
It’s the equivalent of someone trying to throw shade at you or try to say something negative and you’re just sitting there like..
Your opinions do not affect me because I suffice.
Now let me decipher the mentioned google definition,”The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, or idea etc.“…. through an ensemble of some of my proudest rejections.
Exhibit A: Interview Tirelessly
For anyone who is passionate about anything and for those especially living here in NYC, you know how competitive it is to find your dream job. I might have to change my name to “Unfortunately we’ve moved forward with other candidates” because that’s what about 50 different companies address me by. This is the perfect example illustrating the “dismissing or refusing of a proposal, or idea“. The proposal was “hey look at me I’m smart, driven, talented, hard working, creative” and the result was:
Most recently, I had a potential opportunity at an absolute dream company where everything just seemed to be working out step by step.. I had a friend who referred me to the position, I felt extremely confident when meeting some of the top executives for the on site interview, researched the company religiously and could probably write a 2000 word essay on its inception and growth strategy. I didn’t get the job. But to make matters worse, when I got the phone call with them addressing me by my prospective name change “Unfortunately we’ve moved on with other candidates”, I was in an Uber 2 minutes removed from a helicopter tour above the city to start off my Labor Day Weekend. Guys I was convinced that I’d be starting that following Monday! I was crrruuuusssshhheeedddd. I mean this was dream job territory. And at that point it was probably the 5th job denial I’ve received this year.
Exhibit B: Date Tirelessly
Anyone who has recently broken up from a serious relationship can relate when I say that putting yourself out there again can be challenging. I am by no means
the Date Doctor
but I can tell you that the more rejections you get from potential love interests, the more of a refined partner you’ll become. You’re going to go on plenty of first dates².. You’re going to get ghosted. Idc who you are that’s just how it is. Again, the key is to anticipate rejection, but never accept it. You didn’t get the girl/guy you wanted.. that doesn’t make you a loser. Why? Because I know I suffice. You just gotta keep trying. Shooters Shoot.
So earlier this year I got involved with someone I met on @Bumble. Great app in my opinion.. gives all the power to women in a world full of horny men on quick swipe dating apps.. Things popped off we were hanging out spending time together, going on dates, building a respect for each other… pretty standard stuff.. I’d say a month or so into it we make plans to meet each other out at @PHD Midtown with friends.. I arrive late with friends only to see my date with another guy all night. I was confused. My buddies were like hey isn’t that the girl you told us you were talking to? I said yeah, but clearly read the situation wrong. To her defense she had just got out of a serious relationship and was exploring her own journey. “Unfortunately she moved on with other candidates”
I share that to tell you this, that moment of rejection would have crushhhheedd many other people, but for me, I was extremely ok with it because I know I suffice. I just realized that I just read the situation wrong instead of being more aware of her own needs. It’s allowed me to become a more refined partner since then. Also, for those wondering, me and #BumbleGirl are still very good friends to this day.
To reference the CNBC article, financially savvy individuals asses risk in terms of its reward but I would argue to take risks regardless of the anticipated reward. Just go out there and do it. Learn from each rejection and keep at it. Rejection builds confidence. As much of an oxymoron it is to say, the next time you’re in a high stress situation like a job interview or a first date, you’ll be able to recall from the previous mistakes you’ve made that lead you to rejection. Understand that it’s impossible to not be rejected if you’re trying to pursue anything valuable. Instead of running from it, anticipate it, never accept it and above all else,
¹Click here for the article by CNBC https://www.cnbc.com/2017/09/22/3-tips-for-success-as-a-consultant.html
²Also if you’re on Netflix, watch Aziz Ansari’s Master of None for actual examples of what it’s like to #datetirelessly in the city. S2 E4 “First Date”